But she lacked the tools to take those steps fully and my ego would not allow me to release the anger enough to even attempt to trust her. I did things I’m not entirely proud of including confronting the OM and having my own revenge affair (which doesn’t work if one’s hearts not in it.) But I am glad for the insight at least my affair gave me, the self-loathing, the dopamine high, the fallacy that we are responsible for another’s happiness. The childishness must be humiliating in the light of day.Five months post DDay and the wounds were still fresh, still tender to the touch. Despite what we believe our betraying spouses felt during their affair, it couldn’t possibly have been all sunshine and roses. I can’t imagine anyone in an affair feeling good about themselves and I can see how far one would go to cast that awful feeling onto anyone else.It’s real and is borne of guilt and shame, and the only thing to make it go away is another dose of drama, texting, meeting, ego-boosting, and what-have-you.
- updating the schema
- nick cannon and christina milan dating
- completely and totally dating sites
- vitually dating with adrianne
- whos dating renee zellwiger
Anger or Now It’s My Turn: Five months post DDay (and one month post Last Contact) my step-father passed away.
He lived in another state so in going off to console my mom, my wife and I were granted a respite from the fear, anger, blame, needling innuendoes, and the constant questions and marathon talks that followed. Her goal was and has been from DDay to have a loving, emotionally connected and fulfilling marriage with me.
There are some wise folks out there who believe that the wounds we earn in life are what mold our character. The major depression for me started in the third month post DDay (or March 2010).
They mature us in ways we never could have matured otherwise. The realities of the affair hit my wife hard and she turned away completely.
If I were to show her anything it should have been what she was attracted to in the first place. I convinced myself that this affair had to be my fault because somehow I didn’t do enough.
She didn’t blame me outright, as some betrayers do, but she let it be known that she was unhappy, that she had been unhappy for a while (she forgot to add, as all betrayers do, that the unhappiness was with herself.) Luckily, my self-esteem was intact enough to realize this didn’t make any sense.
Denial or The Honeymoon is Definitely Over: She soon began to withdraw. If we make someone happy then great, but it should never be a responsibility. I tried to be more like him, or more of what I thought she was looking for, what she needed.
I did exactly the opposite of what I should have done which is take pride in myself. Part and parcel with Bargaining I took on the burden of her guilt as a way of being there for her, of being a perfect mate.
When you enter into a relationship with married men, inevitably you step into a world that can reveal a lot of joy, and yet, tear all the happiness away instantly.